Tamela Rich

Oriental Rugs & Business Writing

True_Story-CoverTrue story: I was once written up for using college level vocabulary on the job. Yes, it was in a written performance evaluation. No, I was not writing for a living at the time; was running a line of business. You might not guess that my employer was a bank, where most workers had some college and many had MBAs. Go figure. Just one of the reasons I’m forever freelance.

There’s a place for arabesques in writing — that place is usually literature or narrative nonfiction. When I write for business I’ve learned to use them sparingly (or link to the definition!).

Business writers need to err on the side of spartan communications. Well-written, engaging and action-oriented, while spartan.


Trim the fat

Teaching by example, I edited the opening sentences of this WordPress blog post to rid it of verbal flourishes and the loathsome passive voice. I kept “nascent” for the paragraph’s arabesque.

It is with extremely great pleasure that I point you to the first post at the new I’m pleased to introduce you to the WordPress Foundation site. Not only am I excited about the things that will happen under the auspices of the Foundation, I’m proud of what the Foundation will do, and excited to see a site running the 3.0 development version and the nascent theme called 2010.

Lesson for business communications: adverbs, adjectives and complex sentences are risky. They bore readers, who then lose track of your core message. Use them as sparingly as salt in your diet.

In the edited post above, “extremely great pleasure” and “under the auspices of” belong in a royal decree, not a business message.

Boilerplate blight

Since business communications are usually intended to sell something — an idea, product, feeling or investment — stick with the big picture or high concept.

I’ll make my point visually, with Oriental rugs (below). The closeup on the left shows intricate detail, but you can’t see the whole rug, whereas the photo on the right gives you the big picture at the cost of the individual motifs.


closeup rug designwhole rug design


There’s an ideal use for each photo. If you were a rug merchant who had to choose between the two, you’d use the larger one to entice your prospective client into the store to examine the design and craftsmanship. Same with business communications, which are ultimately designed to sell anything from a product to a feeling to an investment. The goal of written communications is usually to get people to make the next step, which might be making the purchase or calling for more information.

Financial communications often require the equivalent of both photos (detail and big picture). If you’re writing something with boilerplate requirements, write less and use visuals like sidebars, graphics and headers to keep the reader’s attention on your pitch and off the fine print.

Lesson for business communicators: entice the reader to get the full story/complete picture from someone who can close the sale.

  • Don’t try to answer every question or explain every variation in writing
  • Don’t try to explain the boilerplate


Visual perspective

closeup rug design

When you look at the closeup of the rug to the left, you know you’re not looking at the entire rug because there are enough visual cues that it’s a part of the whole (no border, no symmetry of design, etc).




The photo to the right might be the rug’s border or the entire rug, but if I had to guess, I’d say it was a closeup of the border because if it were the entire rug the right and left ends wouldn’t be chopped off.mid-range rug design




whole rug design

This photo clearly shows the entire rug, but you have no way to know if it’ll fit in your dining room. If it had been photographed with a dog, human or piece of furniture — better yet, a dining room table and chairs — you’d have a clue.


Lesson for business communicators: keep the reader engaged using proportion and visual cues.

  • Size paragraphs according to the length of your message. A 15-sentence paragraph works in a Russian novel, but not in a two-page newsletter article.
  • Headers at regular intervals help cue the reader that they’re making progress and enable skim reading. Get over it — people skim.

Whole-brain communications note: this post taught about writing but did so in a visual manner.

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Social Media Regulations for the Financial Industry (finally)

FINRALast week FINRA issued Regulatory Notice 10-06 to finally address how those it regulates can participate in social media. Anyone regulated by FINRA already knows this, and I’ve got nothing new to say about the notice.

I do have some questions about linkedFA, a new service that purports to comply with FINRA’s guidelines. This part of the standard seems to be the most onerous for services like LinkedIn, Facebook and the rest to comply with:

Every firm that intends to communicate, or permit its associated persons to communicate, through social media sites must first ensure that it can retain records of those communications as required by Rules 17a-3 and 17a-4 under the Securities Exchange Act of 1934 and NASD Rule 3110. SEC and FINRA rules require that for record retention purposes, the content of the communication is determinative and a broker-dealer must retain those electronic communications that relate to its “business as such.”

The linkedFA site allows advisers to create three separate profiles to interact and display different information to clients, peers and recruiters. By capturing and storing communications for six years, founder Brian Byrne says everything is “extractable and reportable.”

Ho hum, where’s the value proposition?

Another "also ran" with no value prop?I’m not willing to join a network of CPAs just so I can see what mine has to say about the profession, so why would the general public join linkedFA just for the privilege of communicating with their financial advisor? Social media depends on the network effect. Unless linkedFA intends to collaborate with the entrenched networks like Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter et al through some sort of API I don’t know how it would expect to gain traction with the general population.

Since I’m not a developer or social media genius I asked my friend Andy Ciordia (who is both) to weigh in.

I think it must be recognized that we have mature social media platforms out there.  The real question is what is being done to leverage their power to create further value in something like linkedFA.

There are plenty of social networking platforms out there for professionals.  Most of them at the very least allow you to bring in your content from other social streams.  Sadly many of them lacking real programming budgets do not allow the same beyond an RSS feed to others. That’s not real interactivity.

So what is l`inkedFA really adding?  Looking at the wrapping around the site and watching their video I feel shaky at best that it’s going to be something that blows the doors off of using LinkedIn.  Tamela and I had a great phone conversation on this and we both agreed that this type of service would be fantastic to siphon from all the streams and have it act as the archive, the record, the authority.  However to build just another networking site and then have to have everyone make new accounts (I didn’t see OAuth or another federated solution to make life easier), seems like a lot of work just to help communication along.  I communicate fine over the phone and email with those financial services in my life.  Why would I hurdle barriers to entry and a dubious data portability to go see them over there?

API or not this style of service is going to have an uphill battle and they’re going to have to separate themselves from the pack through some logical yet ingeniously implemented ideas.  More than not I could see LinkedIn move their resources around and allow for FINRA compliance.

Andy Ciordia

How about it, advisors, what has the FINRA notice done for you?

Is your firm promising a new policy for social media interactions?

How many of you are participating in social media behind an avatar and pseudonym?

Burned by Boilerplate

As we hurtle towards 2010 some financial advisors and life insurance agents keep communicating like it’s 1999.

The boilerplate communications racket

In the past week I got two identical Thanksgiving e-cards from different reps of the same general agency. Uh oh. It started with an email inviting me to “click here and view the card on a secured site…” which launched a browser, inside of which played a little flash file of autumnal photos — an animated version of the cheesiest Hallmark card ever printed. It was “customized” with the name of its sender.

Boilerplate reach-out-and-touch efforts go downhill from here.

Awash in meaninglessness

CluelessThis week I got this email from a rep that said:  “Every few months, I try to keep my clients and friends up-to-date with current financial issues or critical concerns…” and once again I was invited to view this important update by linking to a secured site.

She set my expectations right up front by promising “up-to-date with current financial issues or critical trends.” I don’t know about you, but I thought  “financial issues or critical trends” might include  something like financial services reform and how this rep is going to go above and beyond the  regs to assure my confidence. Or perhaps a report on how how certain classes of annuities performed… How naive of me.

I clicked the link and got a flash-powered thingy that looked like a PowerPoint deck. The lead screen made the further promise “Providing valuable information of particular interest to you.” Wow, to me!

I then learned that (gasp) “Most people are frustrated by the amount of income tax they’re paying.” Really?

Next came a little lesson on the miracle of compounding interest. Be still my beating heart.

At the end I learned that there was a difference between tax-deferred and taxable income. A targeted message if ever there was one.

And what was the conclusion?  “There could be ways to reduce your tax liability and optimize growth!“  You’re kidding!  Somebody thought of that?

Then there was the lame call to action “Please provide information.” Clicking through I faced a comment box and the warning that I should allow 48 hours for a representative to get back to me. 48 hours? No one in 2009 is going to be that patient. If they want a product they could already buy it online in 48 hours.

You need to stop this. Right now!

I know you work under compliance regs and some companies and agencies are tougher than others.

I also know that these boilerplate services cut deals with the companies and agencies.

Still, there’s no excuse for sending out crap, absolute crap. If your compliance department won’t allow anything besides this boilerplate pablum, abstain altogether.

If your company has an approval process for customized communications, get on the stick! If not, pick the phone off  its cradle and call your clients to wish them a happy new year. THAT will get their attention.

Authenticity can’t be bought, but is priceless

If you’re doing a mass customization communications campaign, do the job properly. For clues of where this boilerplate went into the ditch, look for my snarky comments above in blue.

If this all sounds like work, you’re right. Tell you what, give me a copy of your compliance requirements and I’ll devise a compliant communications strategy.

Tamela Rich
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